k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
