i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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