What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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