Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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