Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
