You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
