I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
