Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
