My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
