He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
