When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
