Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize