Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
