she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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