doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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