Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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