I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
