i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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