The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
