Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
