would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Actions speak louder than pants.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My life is pants optional.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize