Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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