I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
