you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
