I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
