I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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