yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
