yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
