yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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