There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
