We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
