I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
