Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize