epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize