I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
