you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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