You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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