I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
