if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
