i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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