i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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