i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
