Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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