Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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