So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
