My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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