dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
