Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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