Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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