i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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