hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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