I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
