someone get that fucking seahorse.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
