Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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