get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
