you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
