omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I won't apologize to a one balled man
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
