Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
