So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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