I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
