Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
