i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
