I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
