I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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