Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
