are you so shy because you have an std?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
