evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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