Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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