Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
