dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
