Dual....:-)
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dick has a subreddit
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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