All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
