how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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