Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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