There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
