you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
