fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
