I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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