Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
