Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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